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This is the bible on what nOt to say to someone having a tough time.

You’re about to journey through a whole jungle of well-intentioned words that were said to me as I traversed tough times in my life—of which I’ve had maybe a little more than my fair share, but hey, as Eckhart Tolle says, it is as it is. 

Through each story, my hope is that you’ll get a sense of why sometimes the common comfort people offer up in times of crisis actually hurts worse than saying nothing at all. You’ll also see examples of what you can say. Words that actually lift and inspire, offer hope, or even just send the message that you care and you’re there for them.

No more “at least…”, no more “silver linings”, and no, everything does not happen for a reason.

This is the guidebook on how to be a true ally to the people you love.

Take your foot all the way out of your mouth, because once you’re done reading, it’s never going back in again!

READER RAVES FOR DON’T F*CKING SAY THAT

  • One of the book’s key takeaways is the acceptance that sometimes there are no right words, and it’s perfectly okay not to say anything at all.

    This was a particularly powerful insight for me, as it relieved the pressure of always needing to find the perfect thing to say.

  • This is a must read for anyone who wants to learn to effectively communicate during a time of crisis.

    Through a little humor and wit this book addresses some of the most common phrases used and how unhelpful they really are.

    Real life stories drive home the point that the impact of your words matters far more than your intent behind them.

  • A surprising and eye-opening read that profoundly changed my perspective on communication and the impact of words.

    Before reading this book, I had not fully considered how some of the things I’ve said and done in the past could be hurtful to others.

MELLISSA LIBRACH

“I didn’t write this book in response to any one person, and this book isn’t about anyone but me. My feelings, my experiences, and my thoughts on how we can all support each other better.”

At the end of the day, that’s what we all want to do, right? We want to show the people we love that we love them. Humans are naturally empathetic beings, despite what the news and social media makes things look like (and I’ll talk more about this later, but I don’t watch the news, and I don’t do social media for that exact reason). We want to love each other. We want to support each other. When another person is in pain, our natural instinct and urge is to reach out and help, even if the only thing we have to offer is comfort.

That’s why I wrote this book. I wanted to create a message of love for everyone who has ever tried to support someone who’s hurting, and accidentally made things worse. 

I wanted to say: “I see you. I know you’re trying your best. I know you don’t know what to say. I know you only want to help.” 

I wanted to add my own help to the mix, giving you the tools you need to carry out your original mission—to love and support the person you care about.